This write-up was sublime and made me laugh out loud. I have been to the Denver IKEA a handful of times (I hate it and am always underwhelmed and demoralized by the experience), but have never eaten there, which, as evidenced by your review, is a reflection of my excellent judgment. Thank you so much for your content and keeping me on top of the C Springs dining scene!
This was hilarious! I've been to Ikea more times than I care to admit - the first time was in Seattle back in the mid 90s. I never enjoy going there and tend to feel physically uncomfortable the entire time. Between the lights and the disorienting layout and probably something in the air, it's not a great place, at least not for me. It's deeply unsettling and I tend to feel slightly nauseous. Needless to say, I've never eaten there (and your review has ensured I won't, not that I was ever tempted).
The paperback itself looks like a twisted Ikea catalog, and each chapter opens with an image and description of a featured product (the products get darker and darker as the story progresses). It's horror for sure, but there's quite a bit of humor (dark though it may be). I haven't been in an Ikea since reading it but I suspect that unsettled feeling I've always will be more pronounced if I do ever venture back.
This write-up was sublime and made me laugh out loud. I have been to the Denver IKEA a handful of times (I hate it and am always underwhelmed and demoralized by the experience), but have never eaten there, which, as evidenced by your review, is a reflection of my excellent judgment. Thank you so much for your content and keeping me on top of the C Springs dining scene!
This was hilarious! I've been to Ikea more times than I care to admit - the first time was in Seattle back in the mid 90s. I never enjoy going there and tend to feel physically uncomfortable the entire time. Between the lights and the disorienting layout and probably something in the air, it's not a great place, at least not for me. It's deeply unsettling and I tend to feel slightly nauseous. Needless to say, I've never eaten there (and your review has ensured I won't, not that I was ever tempted).
All that said, now that you've experienced the "joy" of Ikea, and if you have any interest in a good horror read, I'd like to recommend Grady Hendrix's Horrorstor: https://www.washingtonpost.com/entertainment/books/book-review-horrorstor-by-grady-hendrix/2014/10/28/6a459e98-54b1-11e4-892e-602188e70e9c_story.html
The paperback itself looks like a twisted Ikea catalog, and each chapter opens with an image and description of a featured product (the products get darker and darker as the story progresses). It's horror for sure, but there's quite a bit of humor (dark though it may be). I haven't been in an Ikea since reading it but I suspect that unsettled feeling I've always will be more pronounced if I do ever venture back.
We laughed out loud reading this aloud. Need more forced cultural experiences with Matt…
you never fail to amuse...love this piece!
Very well written and very descriptive; makes me want to try the IKEA menu just to be able to brag about having thrown caution to the wind.