This write-up was sublime and made me laugh out loud. I have been to the Denver IKEA a handful of times (I hate it and am always underwhelmed and demoralized by the experience), but have never eaten there, which, as evidenced by your review, is a reflection of my excellent judgment. Thank you so much for your content and keeping me on top of the C Springs dining scene!
Thank you for the kind comments Kristin! ... I mean, now you're kinda wanna gonna eat there just to verify this experience and make the girls eat their (mushy) vegetables. And I know Eric loves a good fishy salmon. I expect a full report back. :-)
This was hilarious! I've been to Ikea more times than I care to admit - the first time was in Seattle back in the mid 90s. I never enjoy going there and tend to feel physically uncomfortable the entire time. Between the lights and the disorienting layout and probably something in the air, it's not a great place, at least not for me. It's deeply unsettling and I tend to feel slightly nauseous. Needless to say, I've never eaten there (and your review has ensured I won't, not that I was ever tempted).
The paperback itself looks like a twisted Ikea catalog, and each chapter opens with an image and description of a featured product (the products get darker and darker as the story progresses). It's horror for sure, but there's quite a bit of humor (dark though it may be). I haven't been in an Ikea since reading it but I suspect that unsettled feeling I've always will be more pronounced if I do ever venture back.
This write-up was sublime and made me laugh out loud. I have been to the Denver IKEA a handful of times (I hate it and am always underwhelmed and demoralized by the experience), but have never eaten there, which, as evidenced by your review, is a reflection of my excellent judgment. Thank you so much for your content and keeping me on top of the C Springs dining scene!
Thank you for the kind comments Kristin! ... I mean, now you're kinda wanna gonna eat there just to verify this experience and make the girls eat their (mushy) vegetables. And I know Eric loves a good fishy salmon. I expect a full report back. :-)
This was hilarious! I've been to Ikea more times than I care to admit - the first time was in Seattle back in the mid 90s. I never enjoy going there and tend to feel physically uncomfortable the entire time. Between the lights and the disorienting layout and probably something in the air, it's not a great place, at least not for me. It's deeply unsettling and I tend to feel slightly nauseous. Needless to say, I've never eaten there (and your review has ensured I won't, not that I was ever tempted).
All that said, now that you've experienced the "joy" of Ikea, and if you have any interest in a good horror read, I'd like to recommend Grady Hendrix's Horrorstor: https://www.washingtonpost.com/entertainment/books/book-review-horrorstor-by-grady-hendrix/2014/10/28/6a459e98-54b1-11e4-892e-602188e70e9c_story.html
The paperback itself looks like a twisted Ikea catalog, and each chapter opens with an image and description of a featured product (the products get darker and darker as the story progresses). It's horror for sure, but there's quite a bit of humor (dark though it may be). I haven't been in an Ikea since reading it but I suspect that unsettled feeling I've always will be more pronounced if I do ever venture back.
Thanks for sharing your story and feedback! And for the recommendation :-)
Very cool!
We laughed out loud reading this aloud. Need more forced cultural experiences with Matt…
What will the kids make me do next? Hmmm ...
Oreo Taste Test
Hell no. They buy the grossest flavors. Ick.
Oreo stout beer though ... now you're talking.
We still have the pancakes and sausage breakfast instant ramen …
I sense a video series incoming...and I'm here for it.
you never fail to amuse...love this piece!
Thank you! 🙏
Very well written and very descriptive; makes me want to try the IKEA menu just to be able to brag about having thrown caution to the wind.